SELF IN BOTH...

SELF IN BOTH ...

Last night I had a dream I was a little girl.  I was no older than four or five years old.
I had nothing but the thread bare clothes on.  I wore no shoes.. my feet were dirty, bruised and sore ..
My hair was unkempt and had not been combed for a very long time ..
I was extremely shy to the point I  wanted to hide rather than speak to anyone ..
In my dream I had no one .. I was alone, hence my social skills were nil ..( remember this was a dream).
"Someone" in my dream took pity on her ..  "I" gave her second hand clothes and on her feet I bought her the brightest pair of bright pink rubber boots..
My eyes twinkled with joy. I actually  felt happiness..
Something else happened.. The bearer of the clothing and rubber boots saw this child's happiness and decided to lavish more gifts, food and invited her to stay with her ..
In this dream I played both parts.  I knew this little girl as well as I knew the generous gift giver ..
In my dream I was the lost little girl with nothing as well the bearer of gifts who wanted and learned the joy of giving ..
You see, when I was the little girls age, my family were victims of a house fire.. Mom and dad took me across the street to the neighbors house and I'm guessing got lost in the daily tasks of clean up and remodeling .. I guess they figured I was being well cared for and didn't bother to visit me much .. Soon I became ill, I didn't eat or drink and the Dr said I was wasting away .. I still remember feeling lost and at that age I just felt alone .. the word neglect comes to mind now.. but at that time that word was not in my realm of understanding let alone my vocabulary..
Mom and dad decided it was time for me to come home .. Feeling relieved that I was finally  home was an understatement . Once again I was  with my brothers and my sisters ..
My birthday  was coming up ..  I really had very little because of the fire, my elementary school surprised me with a huge party with gifts of clothes and toys for my birthday .. I was turning inside out. I wanted to run and hide .. There were way too many people. My eyes filled with tears because I could not comprehend  that all these tables were filled with the most gifts I'd ever seen and they were all for me..
This little girl, much like the little girl in my dream was so full of joy .. I've never forgotten the generosity and I, in turn, have tried to live a life of empathy and gratitude ..
I'm pretty sure it was the most life changing experiences of my life ..
I felt the presence of He who can and did change my life forever.   From that shy forgotten little girl, to giving my life raising a large family and going into a livelihood of nursing.. To this day I can say I am very proud of who I have become and the life God has given me ..
I still need his guidance and love everyday ..
I know I have disappointed him many times over, but He is a forgiving God and all I have to do is ask His forgiveness ..
For those I have disappointed and hurt .. I sincerely hope you will also forgive me of my shortcomings and bad choice of words and deeds ..

Patsy
01/06/17