SPARTAN: A big dog with a beautiful heart of love...

SPARTAN : A big dog with a beautiful  heart of love♥️🐾 

It’s funny the things I am  remembering now that you are gone..

Hearing you in the downstairs bathroom, loudly lapping as you take a very long drink of water from the toilet bowl, even though there is a large container of water that slowly recedes as it becomes empty for you to drink ..

I have seared in my mind how you used to stare at me and blink messages of love as I blinked back with much love and joy ..

Your eyes always were the soul of your being. You could not message me enough how much you loved me ..

I recall the deep sadness and grief you exhibited  when we lost Roxy .. I don’t think you ever got over losing her.. She could not be replaced, although Scarlett tried, after we brought her  home from the animal shelter .. She never gave up trying.

I feel you against me pressing hard to show me that you deeply loved me.

I loved how, even though you were so ill, you spent every night climbing the stairs up to our bedroom.. How the day you passed, you had slowly made it up stairs, jumped on the bed, panting hard, as if you had run a marathon.. You just wanted to be near us.. 

You have always been the epitome of love .. 

You always thought you were that little puppy we brought home, nearly knocking us down, happy to see us, because after all, we had been gone for an hour .. For you, it was an eternity..

The most endearing memory of all, is the night time game you and dad played .. It always seemed, you and I, Roxy or Scarlett and Mac were already in bed waiting for dad .. You would always lay right on top of the covers by dads pillow making it difficult for dad to pull back the covers to get into bed .. Dad finally realized it was a game so he would always act like it was the first time you played.. You  would never give up your position until he lifted you and the blankets  .. Never an easy task.. because you were a big boy .. Every night you did this and every night dad would act exasperated.. Oh how I will miss that game .. 

Soon enough my tears will dry.. but until then, my heart  beats memories that will sustain me until I see you again, my precious Spartan..

Give Roxy a kiss for me .. Tell Roxy, Dempsey, Tyson and Diamond I love and miss them  ..

I’ll see them soon!!

Thank you Jesus.. for showing me NO GREATER LOVE ...

Patsy McNutt Morgan

02/18/18 

SPARTAN...

SPARTAN...

He comes to me, leans hard on my leg, my chest, or my arm..it’s as if he wants our spirits to be one..

He’s dying.. 

My loving spirit animal is very ill.

We got him only a few short years ago as a pup..

(He looked like our other white boxer, Dempsey, who had past a few months before.)

He was the biggest one of the litter.  The breeder called him “Moose”.

That name was not suitable because I already had his name picked out and boy did it fit him to a tee.  I named him “Spartan”.. 

I very much expected him to live a long and healthy life in our household .. 

Waiting at home, after we picked him up, was our precious Roxy, a fawn boxer, who grieved the loss of our last white boxer, Dempsey..  Much like Spartan grieved after she left us..but that’s another story ..

Now here he is .. laying so close to me.. looking at me as he’s saying ..”Mom, what’s wrong with me”? “It’s hard to swallow and I can’t breath very well”..  Why God, are you taking Spartan so soon?

My answer came to me as I whispered to him yesterday ..

“Soon my precious one, my loving, sweet Spartan,

you are going to see Roxy again”.. 

His eyes slowly closed as he seemed to understand.

He drifted to sleep where I know he must see her in his dreams as they play in the meadow, not far from a place they call The Rainbow Bridge..

Patsy McNutt Morgan

02/06/17

** Dedicated to Roxy, Diamond, Tyson and Dempsey..

I pray they will be waiting on the other side of the rainbow bridge to welcome Spartan into the place they now call home.

Please tell them, dear Spartan, tell them I love them and I miss them with all my heart ..

#MeToo

MeToo

This is a story she thought she could never write about her childhood,  but decided it could be cathartic ..

As a small child, the very man who she trusted and loved, did the inconceivable ..

She protected herself by tucking it away in the deepest recesses of her mind. She erased it and psychologically buried it the best she knew how.

UNTIL..

Her sister called and said she was in counseling and was about to confront our abuser..

It was as though the flood gates of hell had been unlocked and all those neatly stored memories came rushing and careening out from the depths of darkness.. 

She didn’t want to remember and she couldn’t believe how she protected herself from the horrid memories she had buried so many years ago.

She has since read and heard that this was common with someone who did not want to deal with  heartbreak and ugly images..

Even now, as an older woman, the scenes of those moments haunt her memories.

Unfortunately, the derelict memories ruined an intimate relationship she had had with her husband.  It had stunted  what was suppose to be beautiful union between a man and a woman ..

She related the pleasure between them as something unnatural because in her mind, she was that little girl who didn’t know what was happening.

Still thinking in terms of being horrified and unforgettable ..

She thankfully married a loving man who stayed with her, and tried to help her through the darkness..

He was devastated because that part of their life could never be.. 

She thanks God for this man.  He  is  her soulmate and they have  kept what remained of the beautiful relationship they had as husband and wife.

As difficult as it has been,  they are still deeply in love..

She has never been able to forgive her abuser and to this day has not missed him after his death.  It was as though he was never a part of her life, yet he was ..

Patsy McNutt Morgan

02/03/18